FIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

FIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

When you think about infidelity in marriage, you automatically think about someone ‘cheating’ on their spouse.  This may surprise you, but you can be untrue to your marriage covenants in more ways than just having an affair.

          Kenneth W. Matheson has explained it this way:

“Fidelity includes refraining from physical contact – but that is not all.  Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife.  Inappropriate interactions with another person can erode fidelity.”¹

President Ezra Taft Benson said this “What does it mean to love someone with all your heart?  It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with all your devotion.”¹ 

There is something called Emotional infidelity.  It occurs when your emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than your spouse.  Emotional infidelity weakens the trust between you and your spouse.

You don’t always see the signs of emotional infidelity at first.  It sneaks up on your gradually.  It may start with lunch out with a coworker, alone.  You enjoy each others' company.  You find that you can confide in that person better than you can your spouse.  And that is the beginning. 

Here is a list to ask yourself to see if you are having an emotional affair:¹

·       Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?

·       Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you are at home?

·       Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?

·       Do you e-mail and text your friend when you are not together?

·       Have you told your spouse about these messages?

·       Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?

·       Do you compare your spouse to your friend?

·       Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?

Now that you have answered these questions do you think you need to make some changes in your life?

So there is physical infidelity – and emotional infidelity – and there is also ‘porn’ infidelity.

IS PORN RUINING YOUR MARRIAGE?

Participating in pornography is another way of being unfaithful to your spouse and your wedding vows.

“Pornography is a widespread and serious problem. It hurts your spirit and infects your mind with unclean thoughts. It damages your relationships. Looking at pornography causes you to lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost.”²

Porn devastates marriages.  The use of porn often has the same impact as a real life affair.  There is a violation of trust and intimacy.  It will cause you to focus on one aspect of intimacy – the sexual component – and forget that there’s so much more to a relationship than just sex.

If you have an addiction to porn, it is not too late to turn your life around. By partaking of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you can end the cycle of porn, and you can heal your marriage.

·       Recognize – that you have a problem.

·       Never give up – the repentance process is long and hard.  Remember to pray every day for the Lord’s help.  Satan wants to bring you down into sin, remember that as you go through the repentance process.

·       Confess – Talk to your Heavenly Father about it.  Also, you need to speak to your bishop.  He is there as a representative of the Lord to help you.

·       Tell your spouse.  They are there to help you and to give you support.

·       Make a plan.  Have a password on the internet that only your wife knows.  Put the computer in a busy part of the house.  If needed, get professional help.

·       Pray – can give you strength to withstand adversity.  Heavenly Father is there to help you, the free you from the temptation, and to strengthen you.

·       Read your Scriptures – daily.  It will help you to obtain the Holy Ghost so he can be your companion and help you through the difficult times.

Below are some excellent articles and videos to help you along the way.

 ^{Excellent Articles to read:}

^{Healing Concepts for Women Impacted by Porn} 

 ^{Breaking the Chains of Pornography}

 ^{Recovering from the Trap of Pornography}

^{Excellent Videos}

Overcoming Pornography Addiction: The Healing Power of Jesus Christ

 ^{Standing up: Pornography}

 A discussion on the dangers of pornography and how it affects the family and the Spirit. Tips are provided to prevent and overcome this addiction.

                            ^{Pornography by Dallin H. Oaks}   
Let us all improve our personal behavior and redouble our efforts to protect our loved ones and our environment from the onslaught of pornography.

Pornography Addiction: Is There Hope? - His Grace

Pornography Addiction Prevention and Recovery

 

¹ Matheson, Kenneth W., Fidelity in Marriage: It’s More Than You Think.  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2009/09/fidelity-in-marriage-its-more-than-you-think?lang=eng

² Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Breaking a Pornography Addiction.  https://www.lds.org/youth/article/breaking-a-pornography-addiction?lang=eng