“Pride is a very misunderstood sin,
and many are sinning in ignorance.”
All
of us have some level of pride in our lives and
our marriages. Taking pride out of our
souls will improve our marriage and ourselves.
Most
of us think of pride as –
· Self-centeredness
· Conceit
· Boastfulness
· Arrogance
· Haughtiness
· Competitive in
nature
The
central feature of pride is enmity – enmity toward God and enmity toward our
fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred towards,
hostility to, or a state of opposition.”
But pride also includes –
· We pit our will
against God’s
· Cannot accept
the authority of God
· Rebellion
· Hardheartedness
· Stiff-neckedness
· Unrepentant
· Puffed up
· Easily offended
& holds grudges
· Sign seekers
· Pitting
your intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly
measuring device against others.
· “No pleasure out
of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man” C.S.
Lewis
· Stand in more
fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment
· Competitive for
men’s approval
· Easily seen in
others but rarely admitted to ourselves
· Manifests itself
by:
o
Faultfinding
o
Gossiping
o
Backbiting
o
Murmuring
o
Living
beyond our means
o
Envying
o
Coveting
o
Withholding
gratitude & praise that might lift another
o
Being
unforgiving and jealous.
o
Contention
o
Arguments
o
Fights
o
Unrighteous
dominion
o
Generation
gaps
o
Divorces
o
Spouse
abuse
o
Riots
Can
you see how pride can adversely affect our relationship with our spouse?
This discussion leads us right into Gottman’s
next chapter in his book called “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” The chapter is about letting our partners
influence you.
Pride
in our marriage affects how we get along
and how we solve our problems. We need
to share our decisions in our marriage.
We need to have ‘give and take.’
Our ears need to be opened to our spouse’s needs, opinions, and values,
or else compromise just does not have a chance.
It is important that we share power if we are to have a happy
marriage. Sometimes we need to yield to win. A
prideful person insists that it is done
their way. A prideful person does not ‘give
and take’ or listens to their spouse’s needs, opinions, or values. A prideful person does not compromise or
share power. A prideful person wants his
needs meet the way he wants them met. A
prideful person is self-centered and self-serving.
A prideful person will not
have a happy marriage.
We
live in a society today that tells us we have the right to focus on
ourselves. It is noble and worthy to
focus on our needs. It is our first
obligation. If we want a happy marriage, it is important that we let go of
what the world tells us. Instead, we need to let go of our pride.
The
antidote for pride is humility – meekness, submissiveness, a broken heart and a
contrite spirit. We need to seek to have the ‘mind of Christ;’ when we do our marriages will improve. We will see our spouses with compassion
rather than with irritation. When it is
time to discuss ‘anything’ in our marriage,
we can do it with love and compassion.
Our ears will then be open to our spouses’ needs and opinions. We will be willing to set our partners up for
success. To do this, we must become humble.
We
become humble by calling on God and repenting daily. When we are humble, we accept humanness and flaws of our
partners. We can laugh at the quirks and
shortcomings that afflict all of us. We
can pray for mercy for ourselves and our partners. We can offer mercy to our spouses.
I
can speak from personal experience that when I am prideful, my marriage suffers, but when I practice humility and when I think of my spouse first and try to
understand him and appreciate him, then our marriage does so much better. It is important that each of us work on our
pride, and when we do, our marriages will do much better.
No comments:
Post a Comment